


Law and Order

by neuroticscales



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cop AU, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neuroticscales/pseuds/neuroticscales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro Strider is a hot cop, and John Egbert is a stupid kid who commits menial crimes to get near him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (The lovely and talented officialbrostrider.tumblr.com drew stuff for this AU, and since I love her so much omg I just had to write it. This is sort of just a oneshot, but if y'all like it, I can continue it! Hope you enjoy!)

Suddenly, you hear police sirens wailing behind you as your car flys 90 down the highway. Fuck, your goose is cooked. Your goose is downright burned. You may have been speeding, but you know better than to initiate a high-speed chase. Reluctantly, you pull over and await your untimely demise. You watch in your side mirror and see possibly the hottest man you’ve ever seen walking up to your shitty Oldsmobile. A golden god; the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. You smile sheepishly as you roll down your window.

 

“Are you aware of how fast you were going?,” he asks, flipping his sunglasses onto his head and holy shit he has orange eyes. Not hazel, not amber- orange. You hope you’re not drooling. You don’t think you are, but you wouldn’t rule it out. “Hey, kid-”

 

“Yeah?,” you interrupt.

 

“Do you know how fast you were going?,” he repeats. Oh god, that Southern drawl is doing things to you. Sexy things. _Boner things_.

 

“Uh, no?,” you say with a grin.

 

“Ninety,” he snaps. “Know the speed limit in these parts?”

 

“No?” God, why is everything you say coming out as a question?

 

“Seventy.” The smile quickly wipes from your face.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, _oh,_ ” he spits. “License and registration, please, and I’m gonna need you to step out of the vehicle.”

 

“Okay. Uh, sir,” you stutter, sliding out of the car. He looks down at your shirt and frowns.

 

“Really, kid? Fuck the cops?” You laugh wildly, mostly out of nervousness, partially out of how fucking hilarious this whole situation is.

 

“I mean it literally!” You smile. He doesn’t. He places his clipboard onto the roof of your car and crosses his arms.

 

“Mm hmm. Face the vehicle and put your hands on the roof.” You do as he says, totally not sticking out your ass.

 

“Got anything that could stick or poke me?,” he asks.

 

“ _Only my giant wiener,_ ” you snicker.

 

“One more crack like that, and you’ll be sorry.”

 

“I’m already sorry that that outfit doesn’t have short sleeves.” He snorts and quickly pats you down. You swear on your father’s life that he slows down when he gets below the belt.

 

“You can turn around now.” He grabs the clipboard and begins filling out some sort of form.

 

“Am I getting a ticket?,” you ask, panicked.

 

“Yeah. Fifty bucks, by next Sunday.”

 

“But… why?” He scoffs, continuing to write up your ticket.

 

“Because you were speeding. I’m not gonna let you off with a warning just because you’re cute.”

 

“You think I’m cute?,” you ask, grinning. He makes a noncommittal noise, and you’re satisfied.

 

“Alright, here.” He tears out your death sentence and you grudgingly rip it from your hand.

 

“Hope I see you again soon.” He snorts.

  
“I don’t.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indecent exposure time.

“I’m here to pay my ticket,” you say to the harried looking woman at the counter.

 

“Okay, honey,” she says in a thick southern accent. “Just gimme the envelope and money and you’ll be all set.”

 

“Um… is the other officer here? A guy, blonde hair.” You hesitate. “Built.” You chuckle a bit and she gives you a knowing smile.

 

“Ah, you mean officer Broderick.” You nod, embarrassed. “You’re lucky, you just caught him before he headed out.” As if on cue, he walks out into the room and visibly winces at the sight of you.

 

“So,” you start. “Broderick.”

 

“So, speeder,” he replies, raising an eyebrow. “How did you know my name?” You saunter up to him and tap his nametag with a finger.

 

“Why are you even here?” You wave the ticket in front of his face.

 

“Ah. Well, bring it to the front desk and-” You cut him off by sticking the ticket down the front of his pants.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?,” he screeches. You giggle wildly, stepping backward a few steps in case retaliation ensues.

 

“I could arrest you for that!”

 

“Oh, please cuff me officer Broderick,” you reply, holding up your arms. He takes a step forward, suddenly directly in front of you. He pins your arms above your and slams you against the wall. Unfortunately for him and luckily for you, this is exactly what you want. His knee is mere centimeters from your crotch.

 

“Pay your fuckin’ ticket.” He reaches behind you and shoves the envelope down the back of your pants. He pats your butt a little, assumedly making light of his point. You decide to believe it was because he likes your ass. You gulp.

 

“Okay, sir.” You hobble over to the front desk and slide the rumpled envelope through the window.

 

“He sure is an interesting one,” she confides.

 

“He sure is.” You sigh and walk out of the building, relieved that he didn’t punch you in the face. Grinning slyly, you pull a folded paper and tape dispenser from you pocket. Time for the real plan. You tear off your shirt and tape the sign below your belly button. Then you run up to the window and rap on the glass to make sure Broderick sees you. He looks up and you see his face change from stern to… amused? You wave, bend down, and quickly take off your pants. You hope he notices that you went commando. You run backwards, pointing at the sign that invites him to “suck your dick”. He immediately runs out with his arms raised in a, “the fuck you doing, kid?” gesture.

 

“Well, are you going to follow your instructions?,” you ask playfully.

 

“What instructions?” You’ve both stopped moving, and he’s standing in front of you with his arms crossed. It’s an authoritative pose. A sexy pose.

 

“These ones.” You point to the sign. He looks less than amused, to say the least.

 

“Don’t think so, kid.”

 

“Will you stop calling me kid?,” you cry, exasperated. “I’m nineteen.”

 

“Ah, so it would be jail time for your indecent exposure, not just juvie,” he tells you with a smug smile.

 

“Um, I covered my dick, so it’s not illegal yet. I checked.” Before you can even register what’s happening, he reaches forward and rips off your sign. You gasp, he raises an eyebrow.

 

“Hmm,” he says. It’s the most nervewracking syllable you’ve ever heard. “With your asshole personality, I expected you to be smaller.”

 

“I will take that as a compliment.” You try to cover yourself with your hands.

 

“Do me a favor and not do that.”

 

“Do a favor and fuck me.”

 

“You wish,” he retorts with a chuckle.

 

“Well, duh. You’re hot, dude.”

 

“I know that,” he says. “But I’m not just gonna fuck every cute brunette who asks. I would have a mile long line.” You could get used to him calling you cute. “Maybe the cute blondes, though.”

 

“I’ll dye my hair,” you reply, sounding totally desperate. Which you are.

 

“You really that desperate? Wow.” God, you want to punch him. In the dick. With your mouth.

  
“You haven’t seen anything yet.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so rushed and shitty i am s o r r y

**Author's Note:**

> pls look up Oldsmobiles and see how gross and ugly they are my family used to have one okay thank u


End file.
